Sorry

Photograph: Alexandra Bone. From guardian.co.uk

I was talking with some friends recently about helping our kids to learn to apologise.

How do you teach kids how to say sorry so that they mean it (especially when they're very small)? Do you insist on them saying the words (even if they are just going through the motions, and still don't see that they've done anything wrong)? Or do you wait until feelings of sorrow arise, and then teach them how to express themselves? 

The problem with the first approach is that saying sorry becomes a magic formula that gets kids out of trouble:

Hit your sister? No worries! Just say this short spell, and you're transported out of time out and back to the playroom: "I'm sorry"

There's no change in the child's heart. There's no relational change. There's no repentance and no intent to reform. What this approach teaches will end up with children who do a mini version of the "caught-out-celebrity shuffle" - confess to wrongdoing in an appropriate forum (like Oprah or Dr Phil), make a (sometimes tearful) apology, go back to business as usual. The bible refers to this as "worldly grief", which leads to death. It is the very opposite of godly grief, which produces repentance (that change of heart and direction that we crave for our kids) and leads to salvation without regret.

The problem with the second approach is that you can very well end up waiting until your darling child is well into middle age, as President Clinton's parents may well have discovered.

So what to do?

I read or heard recently (and to my shame, I cannot remember the source!) of a suggestion that we try to adopt in our household with our 3-year-old: Speak on his behalf.

As parents, we often have to speak on behalf of our children, and while they are still young, we bear responsibility for their behaviour (as any parent in a home wares or souvenir shop knows!) So now when our son should apologise, but is resistant or lacks understanding, I will take him in my arms, and apologise on his behalf:

"E, I'm very sorry that F hit you. He did the wrong thing, and I'm sure that he's very sorry too. Will you please forgive him?"

How do you encourage your small children to learn to apologise and repent?

Love your neighbour as yourself

I was reading this post on the blog Stuff Christians Like the other day.

(For those who have stayed with me and not been distracted by Jon's great blog - thank you both.)  

Image: 'The Good Samaritan' by Chinese artist
Dr He Qi as found at He Qi Gallery. 

Anyway, the gist of the thing is that Christians like to pride themselves on being loving, especially to non-Christians.  It's kinda our thing.  We all know bits of 1 Corinthians 13 (Love is patient, love is kind, love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, - or something like that).  We remember three of the four characters in the parable of the good samaritan (there were the levis, the guy who got robbed, the samaritan and the ... other unhelpful bloke).  And we're really good at the "by this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another."  Someone even wrote a song.

Problem is, as Jon pointed out on his blog, most of our love and service is directed inwards toward other Christians.  In our enthusiasm for the Great Commission, we oftentimes forget the Great Commandment.  Don't get me wrong, we should be loving other Christians (and let's face it, who would want to join the church if we didn't?), but when I look searchingly at my own behaviour, I see a worrying pattern - I spend very little of my time with non-Christians, and almost no social time with non-Christians.

We know that love is not primarily a feeling (like I discussed here), but rather an intentional action to work for the good of another.  If that is true, then one implication is the need to spend time with that other person.  If I don't, how can I be acting for their good?  Examine yourself - am I all alone here in my insulated personal Christendom, or are you nodding along?

It's about here that I'm meant to start making a whole lot of resolutions about inviting non-Christian co-workers, neighbours and school parents to barbecues - in fact I did in my head, before another thought occurred to me:

How will my children learn to love their non-Christian neighbour unless they see me doing it? 

My children get lots of time with their non-Christian friends - they go to a State primary school.  But how will they learn to be a Christian person in a non-Christian setting, rather than a chameleon that can adapt rapidly between church and school circles?

First and foremost, my trust is in God, that through greater knowledge of his Son, and through the gift of the Holy Spirit, my children will learn to look beyond themselves, their family and their church to the needs of the world.  I know that these lessons will not be downloaded Matrix-style to their minds, but that God will use people (primarily me and my wife!) as instruments to teach them.

So here are the thoughts that occurred to me - perhaps you have other ideas that you could contribute in the comments:

Incidental ideas:

• We've started praying each night and (when we have time) each morning, that the Holy Spirit would be with the children through the day, and that they would be good representatives of Jesus;
• We try to open our home to their friends for play dates, and then be present while the kids are eating and playing together;
• Do you do school pick up? Make time to chat to other kids and parents, or to keep kids company whose parents are late or need to meet with teachers;
• Volunteer in your child's classroom, music group, sports team, dance class, and look for opportunities to serve and to explain to your children why you do it;
• I really do need to invite the families of their friends over for a meal!

More structured ideas:

• For older kids, could they get involved in a family or church activity that is run for the benefit of others? Like landscaping the school, or shopping for a housebound neighbour, or inviting the migrant family for a meal and regular English conversation, or volunteering with City Mission, Salvos or Anglicare?
• Pick a cause - national or international - that demonstrates Christian love, and encourage the kids to learn about it and think how to support it.  It might be something like Samaritan's Purse "Operation Christmas Child", or sponsoring a child overseas, or supporting the work of the Leprosy Mission.

Teaching our kids to think: Introduction

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.Matt 22:37

I sometimes think that there was a gap in my Christian discipleship. I had great teaching from my parents, my church and my youth group about God, Jesus, the gospel and the bible. In my teens, I started to learn about the evidence and reasoning that supports faith in Jesus. But there was still a substantial gap.

Would I attribute my reticence to talk about faith to this gap in my knowledge? Perhaps (although there were probably larger obstacles, like pride and a desire to run with the crowd!)  

Do I think that my Christian witness was less effective? Yes. 

Do I want my kids to grow up with a similar knowledge gap? Absolutely not.

Now I didn't miss out on anything crucial (like the crucifixion or resurrection).  I understood the basics of my own faith and worldview.  The big gap was in understanding how others see the world, and in having the skill to expose the contradictions and fallacies in those worldviews. Unlike Paul, I hadn't learnt to: 

... demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and ... take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.2 Cor 10:5

Nor was I properly equipped to:

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.Col 2:8

Lately, my education has been greatly improved by two books - they are both very readable and worth the time and cost. A Spectator's guide to Worldviews (Simon Smart) gives a great introduction to about 10 ways of viewing the world. It is written with a Christian audience in mind, and highlights common ground as well as points of departure. 

The second book is the knockout: Tactics: a game plan for discussing your Christian Convictions (Greg Koukl). This is a simple introduction to the art of inserting a stone in someone's shoe - pointing out weaknesses in someone's worldview that will hopefully lead to questions and, ultimately, the truth of Christ.

So at the moment I'm thinking through some of the implications for this new area of knowledge, and setting myself a challenge: how can I train my children up in this skill? How can I help them to identify error and illogicality? How can I help them learn to ask the gentle questions that expose folly and falsehood?

The next series of posts will start to unpack some of the ideas. For subject matter we'll be looking at the current debates around gay marriage (who's scared of an argument, huh?). I've chosen that because it's timely, because the issue is the hot point of a clash between western secularism and Christianity, and because so much of the argument (including in the Tasmanian House of Assembly!) provides examples of poor reasoning, overblown hyperbole, and rhetoric without evidence.

Sticky faith ...

This blog crossed my path the other day. It is a review of Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids by Kara Powell and Chap Clark.  I haven't read the book yet, but I want to.  From the review, it looks like it provides some insight about a question that has been churning around in my brain: what can I do now to help my kids form a faith that will last with them into adulthood?

The three big themes that the blog picks out are:

1. They will follow what I do, not what I say.  If my faith is only lip service, and has no effect on how I live (in big and little things!), I should expect to see this mirrored in my kids in 20 years' time.
2. My kids need the gospel now!  Not a series of moralistic bible stories, or isolated "christian values", but an introduction to Jesus and a living relationship with Him.  Personally I need to trust Him, spend time with Him (in prayer and in the Bible), and as a Dad I need to model this faith for my children.
3. The whole Christian community is vital in help my children to form their faith and their character.

So, add another book to the reading list, and time to stop and take stock of the example I'm setting for my little acorns.

Which kid do I leave behind?

I got a letter the other day - another one asking for money. This one was different, though - it reached out a hand and twisted a knot in my guts. This paragraph particularly:

Australians understand drought. We understand having to leave the fields because there is no water for our crops. But we are not forced to make the choice between abandoning one very sick child or fleeing to a relief camp with your other child who may have a better chance of survival. We don't understand the anguish of getting to that camp after a long and dangerous journey to discover there is not enough food.

The letter was from ChildFund, and was about the famine in the horn of Africa. It really hit my Dad-soft-spot, and my brain started whirling through permutations in my own family: how would I choose between staying to tend my sick child (so endangering my others), and leaving with the healthy ones for a camp? How would I make the call that my sick child is too sick to travel, and should be left behind? Who would I leave them with?


And the endless second-guessing of whatever horrific decision I made? How would I ever sleep afterwards?


In the days that have followed, I have started to reflect on how to introduce such topics to my own children. They are 7, 5 and nearly 2. To date I have not had to think about this - the letters come, we make a donation, the kids know nothing about it. But my 7-year-old is quite bright and perceptive. She is starting to be exposed to things like the 40-hour famine at school. She has already got a Leprosy Mission money box from our church that she periodically drops some change into. I pray all my children will grow up with a desire to alleviate suffering wherever they can. I can see that the process starts here. What do I say to her? How much do I tell?


I don't have any answers yet.  What do you do?


PS.  ChildFund Australia has many projects in the horn of Africa, and has a long-term commitment there. They are involved in both aid and development work. You can donate to their horn of Africa appeal by calling 1800 023 600 or online at www.childfund.org.au. I receive no benefit from ChildFund (although I have been a supporter of them for a long time, so there's some emotional capital invested!)

Sugar and spice ...

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

If you have daughters, you will have heard the line "sugar and spice and all things nice, that's what little girls are made of." Well that line was written by a boy who was trying to get a girl - not by a man with daughters! To be sure, there is plenty of lovely things about daughters, but there is no doubt that they are full of all sorts of things that are not all nice. My daughters are a bundle of emotions, even at the tender ages of 7 and 5. They go from playing nicely together one moment, to screaming, physical violence and "I'm not your friend anymore, and I mean it!" the next. They can go from happily relating a fun night at the school disco to a complete teary meltdown because said disco ended 15 minutes early, and said daughter didn't get a spot prize.

I am not a particularly emotional man, so when the emotional whirlwind hits it takes me way outside my comfort zone. I'm definitely not in Kansas anymore, Toto!


My default position (to my shame) is "shut it down". I reach for whatever it takes to switch off the emotional storm - whether sending the offending child out of the room, or back to her bed, or bribing her with treats, or caving in to her requests. Although I know that this is not a good way to raise my daughters, I resort to this tactic all too often. When the crisis hits, my parenting range is too limited to change.


In the last couple of weeks, though, I have started to see a better way. It's nothing to do with me - it has entirely been the Holy Spirit prompting me. God is gracious even in my tiredness and inability to respond immediately to my girls - it has meant a precious few seconds of silence when I can hear the better way that the Spirit is leading me to. He has shown me that the better way is to weather the storm with my daughter, rather than to shield myself from it.


So the other day, when Eldest's voice was again raised in rage at her sister, I could encourage her to use words to express why she was angry, rather than relying solely on her tone of voice to convey the fact that she was angry. (Thanks again to Ross Campbell's book How to really parent your child, and particularly the excellent chapters on helping your children to nullify anger.)


And the other night, when my sleepless child melted into tears hours after the great disco disappointment, rather than blowing my top, I could take her in my arms and talk through her disappointments. I could tell her about similar times I'd had growing up. I could reassure her that she was normal, that she was precious. We could pray together about the tumult in her heart.  


And as we weathered the storm together, we both found that indescribable peace that Jesus promises.

Childicus offspringii

Chances are, if you are reading this post, that you have discovered an infestation at your place.  You may have a houseful of the noisy, destructive little critters, or there may only be one.  Make no mistake about it, even one of these creatures will completely take over your life.

But before you call the exterminators, you need to know that children (childicus offspringii) are legally protected, and I'm told that the penalties are pretty steep should you kill one of them.

"If I can't kill them, what can I possibly do?"  I hear you ask.  There is no need for despair.  True, these pests are wildly varied, so that it's not possible to give a 10-step guide.  Yet with a few carefully implemented strategies, and by following some basic principles, you can drive the little pests away from your home and hearth quite successfully, and then enjoy peace and quiet once again.  

"What do I need to do?"  You ask.  "I'll do anything, just give me my life back!"

Read on ... 

1. Love is a battlefield.  There is no point being a complete villain toward them - the tactic may backfire and see them try to save you from your problems.  Far better to make them think that the problem lies with them.  Make them earn your love and approval.  Nice behaviour and good marks gets affection  and smiles, disobedience gets the cold shoulder.  If there is more than one little devil infesting your home, why not switch affections around depending on who's behaving best?  Keep them on their toes.
   
2. They are going to get angry.  But you can't let something as trivial as their emotions upset your domestic equilibrium.  Force them to bury those ugly feelings deep, deep within - far away from civilised society.  Make sure that they understand that anger is a hideous and unnatural feeling, that they must never bring to the surface, and especially never in your presence.  This will have the delightful side-effect of ensuring that they don't bring any real problems to you, in case their shameful anger comes along too.   And after all, there are plenty of opportunities for them to vent their frustrations at an appropriate time - when they're married, when they're driving, at their workplace.
   
3. These two principles take quite a long time to be effective - anywhere between 18 and 34 years!  But there is no need to lose heart - there is a way that we have found that can shorten this time scale.  The critters will hang around as long as they are sheltered and secure.  Direct action is still illegal, but there are indirect methods that will see the pests actually wanting to leave as soon as they can.  The trick is to get them to believe that their security depends on their behaviour.  Impose a curfew, and then lock the door promptly at curfew time.  Open the kitchen for a few brief moments each day - eat then, or eat not at all.  The restrictions you could impose are limited only by your imagination, but the message remains the same: "You are here under sufferance - none of this is yours."
4. Finally, I know that you will need some hope for day-to-day life while you wait for these strategies to have their effect.  You want some degree of peace and quiet, and you're entitled to it right now!  You should, by now, be aware that a direct confrontation will produce all sorts of noise and inconvenience, so this strategy is simply to avoid confrontation.  Eventually the little monsters will tire of trying to wrestle with a jelly, and will leave you alone.  So let them eat what they want; watch what they want; go where they please whenever they like.  Give them access to video games and the internet (a great way of keeping them quiet, with the added bonus that it relieves you of much of your educational responsibility!).  Am I being inconsistent with principle number 3?  Not at all!  If they want to do something that really inconveniences you, you need to fight back.  But so much of what they do is very little trouble to your life, that it really is easiest just to sit back and let them raise themselves.  

Now if you follow these principles carefully, you should find that the severity and duration of your childicus offspringii infestation is dramatically reduced.

A final word of warning - in some quarters it has been put about that you could actually live with these creatures peacefully, happily and joyfully!  Some authors will actually advocate that you should love unconditionally, allow them to express emotions, provide security and stability, and try to train them up!  Some authors like Ross Campbell who wrote How to really parent your child.  

Be warned: Have nothing to do with such dangerous ideas.  Your life will never be the same if you do!

Hearken to the evidence ...

I didn't catch the Q and A episode with John Lennox - it had started before it hove into my conscience, but some friends of mine on twitter were tweeting about it.  So it's in the iView queue, and I followed the thread on twitter for a while.  Two significant themes emerged from the tweets: One is an assertion that Christianity cannot be proved, and so should not be taught in schools at all; the second is that teaching any form of religion in schools is brainwashing.


Both views seem to be pretty widely accepted in our society, and both views are complete rubbish.  So I want to respond, and think about how we can inoculate our kids against these fallacies.


Firstly - evidence for Christianity.  The standard argument that there is no evidence is usually one that relies on there being no scientific evidence for Christianity: that the existence of God, or the occurrence of miracles, or the efficacy of prayer cannot be tested under laboratory conditions.  Therefore they are unprovable scientifically, and therefore there is no evidence for a belief system that includes these things.  But if we look at these statements, it's clear that there are many things that will fall outside the field of scientific enquiry.  I know that my wife loves me; I know that I can trust my close friends to keep my confidences; I know that I can believe what my parents tell me: but there are no scientific experiments that can prove these things.


Perhaps nearer the point, most of us only know what our children did at school today because someone who was there told us.  We only know that Hadrian built his wall, or that Stalin killed his millions, or that Hannibal crossed the alps on elephants because of historical documents that record what witnesses to those events observed.  Most of us only know that there are microscopic things like atoms, molecules and cells because someone has told us about them (and certainly not because we've undertaken the scientific experimentation ourselves!)


The fatal flaw in the "no evidence for Christianity" argument is that it overlooks other categories of evidence in exclusive favour of scientific evidence.  As a criminal lawyer for 8 years I saw this same error occur at times in jury trials.  Extremely persuasive and cogent eyewitness testimony was rejected because there was no forensic scientific evidence.  If we refuse to take note of any evidence that is not scientific, we exclude significant sources of reliable knowledge.


I think it is important to teach our kids about this!  Not everything can be known through science.  Not everything that science tells us is necessarily reliable.  Our kids need to be taught to sift through and evaluate the evidence.  Just as our kids need to be taught to sift through and evaluate other forms of evidence - eyewitness testimony, historical record and the like.


And that leads to the second false view circulating - that any teaching of any religion amounts to brainwashing.  In my view, the fact that the term is bandied about so freely in the religion-in-schools debate is either a display of ignorance about how religious education is (or can be) approached in modern schools, or else a misleading piece of rhetoric.


Let's assume ignorance to start with - I suppose that hangovers from the 40s or 50s might lead some to assume that any religious education in schools will be rigid, dogmatic, programmatic and allowing of no dissent.  Where belief (or expressions of belief) are coerced, then perhaps this does fit a description of brainwashing, such as occurs under some totalitarian regimes and in some times of war. It cannot seriously be suggested that Christians or the churches currently have the social or political power to coerce belief, even amongst children.  It cannot seriously be suggested that the churches would use a fear-based technique that would bring such fleeting and superficial results.  But do we truly believe that teaching kids the tenets and historical foundation for the world's greatest faith amounts to brainwashing?  Laying out a belief and providing reasons and evidence for that belief is not brainwashing - it is education!  


I suppose there might be some Christian parents who enforce belief in their children through objectionable means - but given that this is a universal parenting problem that spans all beliefs (and lacks-of-belief) - it's stretching things too much to credit this evil to the Christian side of the ledger.  The argument might more strongly be put that atheist parents are brainwashing their children by refusing to present the evidence for Christianity - certainly in the current prevailing culture those children are less likely to see both sides of the debate fairly presented.


Which brings us to the use of "brainwashing" as a rhetorical device.  If the real concern is coercive Christian education, why not say so?  We can understand that we are happy for our kids to learn about Christianity, but not to be pressured into a decision.  We can then truly agree, perhaps, that we want each person to make up his or her own mind by reference to all of the evidence and arguments.  I suspect, though, that this is precisely what many aggressive atheists do not want - they do not want every person to have the opportunity of fairly and individually assessing the evidence for and against Christianity: they want to push any discussion of Christianity out of the public sphere altogether.  They want the field to themselves.


Again, what to do for our kids?  Just as our kids need to know about different types of evidence, and need to learn how to evaluate such evidence, our kids need to know about different types of argument.  They need to be prepared to meet these different worldviews in their school yard, from their teachers, from their teammates.  They need to be prepared to present and defend their own beliefs (even as they are being formed and refined!), while they can carefully assess (and where appropriate, attack!) the beliefs that are being pressed on them.


Now how on earth do we do that!?

A gentle conquest

The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world.  And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to.  So if you worship me, it will all be yours.”

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’”

Luke 4:5-8 

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!"

Luke 13:34 

"[God] cannot ravish.  He can only woo."

C. S. Lewis: The Screwtape Letters 

Jesus had a genuine opportunity to obtain, in an instant, all the kingdoms of the world (Jerusalem with her children included).  The devil's claim that he can give Jesus all those kingdoms is bold.  But Jesus does not deny the truth of that claim.  He does deny the legitimacy of the devil's methods.


Jesus goes even further, though, in his lament over Jerusalem.  He longs to gather up the children of Jerusalem, but cannot because "You were not willing".  Truly he will not ravish - he will only woo.


This struck me powerfully this week, as I've been thinking about how we raise the kids in the church where I work, and consequently how I raise my own kids.  I know that Jesus' words are life and light; I know that he is the only way, life and truth; I long for my children to know and love and follow Jesus; I long for my children to experience the joy I have in following Him.


But all that is entirely outside of my control.  If Jesus will not ravish - will not gather against the will of those to be gathered - how can I?  "Outside my control" is very hard for a Dad to handle.  But by God's grace, two things give me comfort - influence and influence.


I have the very great privilege to be able to influence God through prayer.  In writing that I immediately balk at the claim, but I cannot escape the clear words of Jesus:

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. John 15:16

I can and do pray frequently that my children will come to a loving, living relationship with Jesus.  And I believe that this is truly His will for my kids.


I also have the great privilege to be a role model for my kids.  I hope and pray I'm a good role model.  I know that I will mostly fall short, but I pray that I will pass on some of the great hope and joy of life with Jesus.  In this way, I hope that my kids get a taste of the love and goodness and richness of Christian life - of eternal, joyful life-to-the-full.  I hope they will choose freely to surrender to the rightful claims of their God, King and Saviour.  I pray that they choose the gentle conquest that leads to true freedom.

The Coles car park miracle

I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.  Romans 7:18-19

You know it's going to be a memorable meltdown when it happens in the middle of the Coles car park.  


Go back about an hour, and peace reigns.  We're just arriving at the car park.  My two daughters have agreed to swap car seats on the return journey.


In the present, we have climbed back into the car and Eldest's promise of swapping seats is forgotten.  Each of my little princesses is implacable and very vocal.  The volume is rising rapidly.  It's clear that I need to hold Eldest to her word, and restore peace soon.  But what to do?


The larger part of me is gearing up to issue the ultimatum.  My imagination whirs as I reach for some consequence for disobedience that will secure compliance and quiet.  But for some reason, I pause.


"You know what the right thing is to do, don't you?"  I ask Eldest.
"Yes," she says.  "But I just don't want to do it.  It's too hard."  Her voice is small.  How can she fight herself? She is evenly matched.
So we pray.  All four of us pray together that Eldest will have the strength to do what's right.  We pray that her will can overcome her desires.  That we will wait patiently while she wages this battle.  


Number Two is not quite five, and things are dragging a bit.  I can hear the complaint making its way from her mind to her mouth ...
"Just wait, honey," I interrupt her.  "We need to give Eldest some time.  This is really important.  It's about the sort of person she will grow up to be."
So we wait; and Eldest prays and wrestles.


Then as quickly as it all blew up, it's over.  "You can have my seat."  She speaks quietly, but decidedly.


Battle over; battle won.  Thank you Holy Spirit.

what does Mum want with my tooth?

"The tooth fairy isn't made up.  She really exists!  I mean, it's not like your parents take your tooth."

The wisdom and logic of one of my daughter's seven-year-old friends.  Little blonde and brunette heads all nodded sagely along.  I mean, there really is only two ways to explain the missing teeth and miraculous money: parents or tooth fairy.  And we can't see any reason why the parents would want the teeth, can we ...?

I overheard this conversation without joining it.  There are all sorts of awkward ramifications in shattering the childhood illusions of children outside ones jurisdiction.  But it did get me thinking - what is my position on the tooth fairy or santa claus?  If I encourage my kids to believe in them, am I lying?  Will that jeopardise their later belief in Jesus?  Or is it all an innocent childhood stage that my kids will pass through unscathed, happy to have had some childhood magic to look back upon?

So, of course, I consulted the blogosphere.  What a variety of opinions!  There was an atheist blogger who worried that the tooth fairy and santa claus stories were somehow a trojan horse that would make it more likely that kids would believe in God.  There were Christian bloggers and commenters who worried that telling their kids about santa would cause them later to discard belief in God.  (Surely both can't be right!).  One mother is content to go along with her sons' imaginations (as she does for fictitious super heroes etc), and to use the result as raw material in the cut and thrust of raising kids.  And a number of atheist sites (here, here and here) airily proclaimed that the tooth fairy, santa claus, god and the easter bunny are all the same - inventions for which there is no rational evidence.

To my mind, there are two big issues that I need to sort out:

1. Truth-telling, and modelling truth-telling.
2. Giving my kids a reason for the hope that I have (see 1 Peter 3:15)

First: truth-telling.  I want to tell the truth, because only telling the truth will honour God.  I also want my children to be people of integrity and truth as they grow up.  This will have to inform how I approach the issue with my kids - I don't think I can tell them that the tooth fairy will turn up and give them money for their teeth. Is it different if they want to put a tooth under the pillow for the tooth fairy, and I replace the tooth with money: playing along?  What if the whole tooth fairy conversation is understood as imagination and make-believe, in the same manner that we play pirates or princesses?  I guess this is an issue that each parent (and each couple) must grapple with, focusing on the underlying principles of telling the truth and honouring God.  It will depend as much on the culture in my family as on the character of my children.

Secondly: the evidence.  I think that the atheist blogs have the solution to the problem half-right.  That is, they demand that a belief have a basis in evidence for it to be rational, and will discard the belief if not satisfied with the evidence.  In my opinion, they go wrong in claiming that there is no evidence for a belief in God.  There is ample evidence all around that God exists, and significant evidence in the historical record that Jesus of Nazareth is the Son of God and is one with God.  That he died and rose again to life.  This is material for another post, and many people have already dealt with this subject far better than I ever will (for example, Lee Strobel with his "Case for" series; Dr John Dickson's "The Christ Files"; the Centre for Public Christianity).

So I suppose, over the coming 9+ years of teeth loss in my family, I have the dual challenge of maintaining childhood magic for my children without lying to them; and giving them the evidential basis and critical thinking capacity to distinguish between the fairytales and the truth of the gospel.